My theory is that if I change these things, I’ll not only be physically stronger, but it might also spill over into other areas of my life, and help me tweak other patterns.
But I wasn’t expecting to feel so distraught after the first meeting. The coach I’m working with is awesome, and I’m excited about the whole thing, so it’s not that. It’s that after seeing his video footage of my really, really terrible and ungraceful stride ‚Äì with completely misaligned shoulders and hips, a strange bounce and twist, and heels that dig into the pavement step after step after step ‚Äì I’m wondering how I’ve possibly managed to run for the past 20 years. I’m going to estimate that I’ve run about 14,000 miles in that time. How have I been so inefficient all those miles and not known it? I’ve barely been able to get motivated to run this past week, thinking about this. (Here, I thought I was looking pretty good in this picture, but now, I just see a mess!)
Now, I have confidence that my coach will help me change it (since this is what he deals with every day). And, I know that this uncomfortable feeling is for the best, because I wouldn’t make the effort to change without it.
Still, it’s making me wonder what else is completely messed up and inefficient, and I just haven’t noticed it yet.
One Inefficiency Leads to Another
It’s enough dealing with problems of inefficiency that are front and center, like the fact that I don’t have a good backup system for my data or the ridiculous amount of time it takes my applications to open on this computer.
But now, I fear that just lurking behind the known problems are a whole set of inefficiency-related problems I don’t even know I have.
Like, how am I using my time during the workday? I mean, really using it? If someone video-taped my time use throughout the day ‚Äì the way my running coach video-taped my running ‚Äì what would it show me? How much time am I wasting without knowing it?
And, how am I marketing myself and talking about what I do? If I saw a snapshot of it, would I wonder how I’ve been doing what I do for 13 years and making a good living? Would I see the ungracefulness of it all? The way perhaps I’ve been holding myself back by some of my own ideas?
And then there’s my process for gathering information: me, half-hidden by a laptop, firing question after question at clients, listening and typing. Listening and typing. More questions. More listening. More typing. And then, organizing the notes. I spend hours organizing notes and mining them for insights. I’ve always thought this was a strength of mine. But what if it’s just a chance for second-guessing? What would the whole process look like if I saw it in front of me? Would I shudder? It’s always seemed like the only way. But what if there is a more efficient way?
The irony is that this is what I said I wanted to happen in the beginning part of this blog ‚Äì remember? I even put the sentence in bold up there! I said that I was hoping that changing physical patterns would spill over into other things.
Be careful what you wish for. It scares the shit out of you when it starts to happen.
It would really help if there was some jerk standing there, berating me, telling me that I don’t have what it takes to actually change these patterns and create more efficiencies. Because more than anything else, I’ve always loved proving people wrong (especially asses). I love that adrenaline-fueled moment of: I’ll show you!
But ‚Äì the irony only increases here ‚Äì I already tweaked that pattern a few years ago (where are the unhealthy patterns when you need them?).
The only jerks that truly have a say in my life now are a four-year-old and a six-year-old, and I love them.
So . . . seeing how my stride is too lumbering and ridiculous to effectively run away from my problems, I might as well just face them. Look straight-on into the footage of my (many) inefficiencies and figure out what could be tweaked.
So . . . hello, 2015, you beautiful mountain of chaos. We have some work to do.